Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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