the condom got lost in my hair
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
