was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize