I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
