If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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