we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
