my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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