I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize