Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She needs sedatives and a leash
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
