So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
