Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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