Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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