walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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