Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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