i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
