dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
