You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
