They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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