In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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