You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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