i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
