Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
