sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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