But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
