so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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