I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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