I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
