Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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