theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
