I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
