i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize