Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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