He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
