I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
