So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
