Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
