The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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