Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Randomize
