I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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