Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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