he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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