I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
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