So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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