My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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