Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize