I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize