so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize