As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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