Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
