now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
