someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Enjoy the penises
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
