ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I party with great urgency now.
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