WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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