DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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