Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
