But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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