I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
