Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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