He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
