today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
