Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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