We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
