SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
