hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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