I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Bring me that man meat
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
