i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
