Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just googled if crying burns calories
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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