According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
