im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
