the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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