Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
