If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
