theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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