It was confusing and full of hummus
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
